Inspired Words

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Coloring Outside the Lines

Some invest heavily
In wrong and right
As if the world
Were black and white
 
Suppose you took
The color away
There’d still be
Countless shades of gray
 
Countless opinions
And points of view
Countless thoughts
On which to chew
 
Should you find something
That works for you
You may want to assume
It will work for me too
 
But I am unique
In my view of the world
How my thoughts and beliefs
Have swirled and twirled
 
In what I’ve experienced
What I like and detest
In what brings me joy
Or brings out my best
 
If I am to find
My place on this Earth
If I’m to find meaning
Feel value and worth
 
I require the freedom
To play and explore
To learn from mistakes
To make even more
 
To try on ideas
To try out new things
To find my own truth
To give my heart wings
 
To be sacred me
In a rainbow of colors
Not a two-tone clone
Spoon fed by others
 
No matter how good
Their intentions may be
No one else can see
What’s right for me
 
I am more capable
Than you can know
Your fears and limits
Won’t help me grow
 
Coloring outside the lines
Is essential
Like you, I am born
Of pure potential.

 Dan Coppersmith

© 2010 Dan Coppersmith

Reprinted with permission.

All Rights Reserved.

See more of Dan’s uplifting poetry at: www.SpiritWire.com

 

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HB #28- Guest Podcast:: Freedom & Responsibility with Barb Lundgren and Quinn Eaker

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Quinn is Barb’s oldest child and a grown unschooler.  Having been unschooled in the deepest sense of the word, his sense of self is strong and his awareness is broad.  Discussions with Quinn are immediately intimate.  There is no small talk, no waste of a moment.  He truly lives the intention of being present in the moment rather than simply spending time.  I encourage you to listen to this podcast.  It is truly revealing as are most discussions with Quinn.

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Topic:  Responsibility is the New Compassion
click to the right of this box to listen to the mp3 recording now!

Many people believe compassion is high level action, a sacred/good/right/high feeling and/or thought about another. This, like with all else, is ok, but the reality remains that the energetics of what it is based on is dysfunctional.

Compassion is based on the idea that there are people who NEED help, that there is nothing you can do for them besides feel sorry for them, pray for them, decide for them, take care of life details for them or donate goods to their cause.  All of this is just a handicap for ongoing dysfunction and thus makes the individual who expresses compassion part of the dysfunction.

This conference call is designed with focus on the parent/child relationship to bring forth some realities of freedom and responsibility.  As an example, let’s say one has a child..and this child is upset, angry, shy, frustrated, sad or some other aspect of bad energetic.  Instead of adopting the feeling of “I will pray for my child to find his way or I will buy her something to ease the pain,” a parent could choose instead to talk to the child about how he is feeling, sharing that it is ok to feel however one may feel but there ARE options.there are alternatives.there are infinite possibilities.  Or, possibly an even higher action would be to know that pain is a part of life, as is confusion, uncertainty, doubt, and all may all be a part of evolution.  This is OK.  IT IS NOT a bad thing and actually very important in the self-existing and growth process.  It is  important that an individual be able to deal with one’s own thoughts feelings and life.  It is important that one is able to know that she has the ability to influence her own experience and that she is capable of dealing with whatever experience life brings forth.  Until an individual is capable of dealing with one’s own thoughts, feelings, actions and overall life one will continue to be subject to the system of government/school/corporation/control/manipulation/dogma that is established for them.

There are many people who are aware that they dont really like what is going on but have no idea what to do to shift or engage beneficial new realities to unfold.  There are so many people that do not think for themselves but look to others for guidance.  This is a guaranteed path to suffering.

There is no benefit in taking care of everything for a child, with regard to thinking, choosing, and deciding for a child.  One may think this is compassionate and that compassion is holy but, in fact, it is a handicap that does not serve the parent nor the child.

Children are born of pure potential.  It is, in fact, this world that they are born into and their parents that birth them that is replete with fear, limitation, doubt, lack, control, manipulation, war, abuse, compromise, suffering etc., etc.  Why is it that these children need adult guidance?  Why is it that they need adult TEACHINGS?  Why is it that they need adult COMPASSION????

They do not, of course, and though the title of this is cool and powerful it still boils down to the fact that children are born capable and connected and by living in this world and the influence of the world around them that they lose connection to that.

The alternative to all this is Responsibility.  Children will NOT be responsible until they actually HAVE  responsibility.  Most children are not only irresponsible but wild, destructive and rebellious because they have not experienced real responsibility.  When a child is authentically able to choose for himself, when he sleeps, how he keeps his room, how he treats others, what he does with his time/thoughts/feelings, this child becomes very involved in the process we call LIFE.  A child becomes fully engaged and efficient with her choices and chooses highly beneficial realities for herself.  It is only when a child does not have responsibility that she is irresponsible and seemingly wastes her time.

A child is born with an inner guidance system that is highly sensitive and in tune with what is important.  Every time a child is forced, controlled, manipulated, advised or taught something not actively sought, he is further and further from this natural state of being.

Give your child full responsibility for her life, her choices and follow where that energy goes.  Provide unconditional support and love.  When a child needs/wants something you have to offer you can be sure that child will come to you with a clear and honest request.

Mistakes may be part of life and a free, responsible child may make them as well.  What a free, responsible child will not do that children without responsibility WILL do is repeat mistakes, for when one is living for oneself and responsible for all that one does it is silly to repeat mistakes.  When a child has no responsibility then the mistakes are not for them but for others.  If a child has no responsibility she will not care if she breaks something.  Actually, a child might want to break or ruin things to rebel against control.  A child who is responsible will know that unless there is some very important reason it is not beneficial to break things.

Click here to stream this podcast or download FREE on itunes!

Trust and Pixie Dust

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“I am youth!  I am joy!  I am freedom!” sang Peter Pan, as he flew through the air across the stage avoiding Captain Hook’s grasp with each pass.

As I sat this morning in Casa Manana Children’s Theatre enjoying another spectacular play, I noted once again with interest how often undertones and flat-out overtones of freedom, choice, pure joy, and fulfillment fill our entertainment but not our lives.  Why, Peter Pan is about an island filled with boys who run away from home so they “never have to grow up and learn solemn things”!  In a recent Humans Being podcast, I talked with Tara and Justin Wagner about encouraging our unschooled children to preserve and nurture this lust for knowledge, passion, and independent growth in a household in which the financial support is derived from a parent in an occupation or routine in which they are unfulfilled.  These are the homes of the lost boys- our boys, the ones who see their futures in the glazed over eyes and hectic routines of their fathers.

Where did this notion come from- that we, along the way, must scrap our impulsiveness, passion, sense of fun, and eager desire for adventure?  Or that it must be sacrificed in exchange for financial stability and social status? And why is it continually perpetuated despite awareness to the contrary?  Most parents feel so much pressure for their children to ‘succeed’ that the pressures of this contrived and miserable adulthood existence are imposed earlier and earlier in children’s lives so that they’re ‘prepared’ and can ‘function highly’.   We escape to entertainment to once again feel the possibility of freedom, fulfillment, and consciousness that was encouraged and then left behind in the innocence of youth.Magical Fairy Dust

To truly support a generation of joyful, conscious, passion-driven people, we must, ourselves, strip away the ideas and beliefs that joy is just beyond the next bend or that we work now to live later.  Reconsidering the lives we have made and the goals we have set can be very difficult.  How do we de-program ourselves while still being able to provide for our children?  There is no set recipe for this because each of us has a different flame, passion, dream to pursue.  I can say that there are a few general steps:

1. Consider financial expenditures.  Money (or lack thereof) is the biggest factor keeping people in unfulfilling situations.  The things you thought you needed pale in comparison to the joy of living in the now.  Shedding things (sell, consign, donate) and bills (downsize, go to one car or no car (!)) is incredibly liberating.

2. Consider your dreams.  We all have them.  They seem unrealistic or are shelved for ‘someday’ while we continue to live the day-to-day routine hoping that one day the stars will align and a green light will flash telling us it is time.

3. Someday is right now.  Start working quickly and earnestly in the direction of the dream(s) you have identified.  Make a vision board.  Don’t wait.  No more excuses.  Today is the day you will feel full because you have chosen to live. 

Peter Pan renewed my awareness of, intention and attention to feeling the joy of life and analyzing what is truly necessary.  Learn from your kids!  And watch this video of Adora Svitak: What Adults Can Learn From Kids.

If I keep thinking these good thoughts, I may even take flight.  Will you fly today?

Analyzing "No"

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Have you ever thought about why you say the word, “no” to your children?  Parents are incredibly trigger happy and “no” is their bullet.  Sometimes “no” is disguised in a few other words or hidden entirely in a phrase that sounds different but, in the end, means “no” (e.g. – “not right now”). 

Children are explorers, adventurers, pretenders, scientists, clowns, wonderers, wanderers, inquisitors, and so much more.  How, then, will they learn in a world where “no” is the easy answer from adults who deem a certain behavior to be inappropriate, uncomfortable, dangerous, or (more than likely) inconvenient?  Indeed, how will they learn the importance of the word “no” when it plays on and on in the background of their lives like a monotonous beat lacking interesting lyrics?

Learning requires experience – on this we can all agree.  Even those who support traditional education are aware (though without the ability to fully incorporate it) that hands-on experience is required to incorporate information into our lives rather than in our short-term memory visitation.  I would venture to guess that more than 90% of “no” (or likewise negating phrase) usage is not based in any real rationale.  What people think of us or whether the situation makes us uncomfortable is not considered ‘real’ when weighed against the potential for the continued learning of our children. 

How, then, are “no” and its comrades in negation used?  I can think only of two situations:

1) My child’s exploration is impinging on the freedoms of others.

2) My child is unknowingly putting him/herself in serious danger.

Even with these there are considerations and the evaluation of whether we are clinging to the potential for these two to be true (b/c it makes the situation easier for US) or if they actually do apply to the situation.  Mild injury is not serious injury and can be a significant learning experience.  Dirtying their clothes does not constitute impinging on your freedoms b/c you are the family launderer. 

Tremendous liberation for all of us lies in the deep analysis of our use of negating statements and redirection.   Not only do we open ourselves to the joy of exploration and revel in our role as the supporters of our children’s constant learning, but we regain/maintain the integrity of “no” for those situations in which it is truly needed.  Our opposition to behaviors and activities is taken much more seriously and with value by our children when it used sparingly and with regard to their need to explore their world.  Children who do not hear “no” constantly stop in their tracks when it is uttered by their trusted adult.  Just as needed to support our children, so should the word “no” be used.

Note to my friends from Clan of Parents (May 9, 2010 post ‘Going Up’) – I request that my children not climb on the kitchen counters, walls, etc. with ‘playground feet’ and that they move glassware so that there is less of a chance of breakage/injuries.  This is generally honored but sometimes forgotten.  This is the basis of a consensual relationship in which all parties are respected- freedom supporting freedom.  They explore in plain sight because they know I support them and will help them without question as requested.  My “no”s are generally rooted in reality and rationale.  When they’re not, my astute youngsters respect my need for them to pause while picking apart my holey negations to transparency so that even I can see the ludicrous lack of foundation.  Those moments are the true “teaching moments”- the ones in which I learn more about me.

Good Morning America- Sheds Uninformed Opinion on Unschooling

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The Biegler/Yablonski family was featured on Good Morning America this morning hoping to shed some light on radical unschooling during mainstream America’s morning cuppa’ joe.  GMA quickly put a halt to any open discussion that might have been had in the MAINstream, however, by spewing their negative judgments and opinions before, during, and after the highly edited and biased segment. 

Watch the 5-minute segment here- Extreme Homeschooling: No Tests, No Books, No Classes, No Curriculums

My comment on Good Morning America’s Shout Out thread this morning:

GMA’s representation of radical unschooling was biased and uninformed.  RUers learn from real life experiences in the ‘real world’ everyday and are generally more confident, capable, and intellectual than any schooled child.  Life is choice at its finest and the resources and opportunities that unschooled children have at their fingertips are boundless.  Underestimating our children and their natural capacity and desire for connection, respect, choice, and learning is the mistake that is undermining our culture and society.  This was a very close-minded segment edited to generate gasps more than actual discussion.  I, too, encourage GMA to edit their content with more vision and less personal opinion and applaud this family for supporting their children in natural learning, inspired thought, adventure, and entrepreneurship. 

In addition to submitting a comment on the thread, I felt compelled to contact ABC directly in the hopes that they would like more information about radical unschooling:

Contribute | Do you have more information about this topic? If so, please click here to contact the editors of ABC News.
In bold is what they received- my response exceeds their character allotment maximum:

I am very disappointed in the biased representation of unschooling portrayed by GMA this morning.  I am the mother of the radical unschooling family in the video clip from Discovery Health and, though DHC’s opposing viewpoints (“experts”) were based in societal prejudice and misconceptions (similar to GMA), felt they did a much better job at allowing us to present how learning happens in the limited timeframe allotted for national television.

Some resources to inform you about unschooling so that you can present a more unbiased forum for discussion: I host and produce a podcast called Humans Being (www.werhumansbeing.com) which focuses on connected parenting and radical unschooling.  There are conferences all over the United States from which people are garnering more information on unschooling all the time- one of the finest is the Autodidact Symposium– coordinated and facilitated by grown unschoolers.  The yahoogroup: Ask Unschooling Offspring is another great resource for contacting teens who are being and adults who have been unschooled.   The classic works of John Holt have been used for decades in mainstream educator training and are the basis of the unschooling revolution.  John Taylor Gatto- former esteemed educator and critic of standardized education- has much to say with regard to the validity of unschooling.

My additional responses to this segment:

Unschooled children represent unschooling through their actions and pursuits.  Questioning teens with regard to their readiness for college is a very mainstream perception as to what is deemed important at any given time.  Could you ask the same of a schooled student and get a similar response? Absolutely.  Is college really necessary for individuals to attain success- whether that be classified either by financial status or happiness? No.  True investigation yields information to the direct contrary.  This brings up a very important double standard that is often portrayed in the dubious questioning of unschooling.  Ask these same questions of traditional school and the answers are either equal or an appalling testament to the lack of inspiration, support, opportunity, and options that the system yields for our children.

There was a glimpse of the children’s passions/interests when their indoor cultivation was shown and then cameras cut away to their sword fighting.  Yes, as unschoolers, much of our lives and learning are focused on play.  It is a sad commentary on our culture’s values that life, learning, work, and play are not seen as interwoven facets of the same life experience.  In the same right, for GMA to portray radical unschooling to a mainstream population, it is important on some level to depict the children’s interests/passions/endeavors and discuss learning theory and the extensive history of unschooling philosophy and practice (see the works of John Holt, John Taylor Gatto, and many others).

No- children need not be forced to participate in activities that are undesirable to offer options, opportunity, nor to help them become accustomed to doing things that are uncomfortable.  The choices that each of us makes in life are based on our confidence level, personal preferences, and goals.  An empowered individual who is supported in their choices will seek personal fulfillment through whatever means necessary (college, training, apprenticeships, hard work/practice, etc.).  Unschoolers support their children in the widely varied and potentially ultra-focused learning opportunities that are available in our communities- local, extended, online, etc.

I am very interested in pursuing this further with you.

Warmly,

Sarah Parent

(whose unschooling family is getting ready to begin full-time RVing and seeing what this great continent has to offer- first hand)

So far, I have gotten their automated response that apparently does not automatically integrate the <name> field on their comment submission page:

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Ageism in Unschooling

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As a Registered Nurse for 12 years, I am very familiar with the phrase, “eating our young.”  In a Google search, I find all the references to this phrase to be in regards to nursing.  Sad… and curious because I know this is not the only group in which this pattern of behavior occurs- alienation, condescension, sentiments of superiority, etc. aimed at a younger or less experienced set.  I have heard from various sources over time this phenomenon cropping up in the unlikeliest of social groupings- the unschoolers.  

As an unschooler, I ask myself, “who am I?”  I answer that I am a mom who has done and continues to do a tremendous amount of self-work to allow the trust in my children who are beyond capable of determining what they will learn and when.  My position in this journey is as facilitator of the ‘how,’ the comrade, the guide, and the supporter.  These are things I have done with my children since birth.  How, then, did these children only become classified by some as unschoolers when they came of “school” age.  If I don’t believe in school, its mandates, its schedule, its endless restrictions, then how does my open admittance to social and networking connections within a community so opposed to institutional regulation and strangulation be withheld or seem only partial?  All of our children are unschoolers- curious, self-directed, passionate learners.  If anything, we as parents are the lost souls requiring enlightenment, support, and relinquishing of heavy institutionally engrained baggage to understand that learning is joyful and happening everywhere and in all things- all the time.  For that, we have each other to provide consistent support and resources.

When we restrict inclusion in valuable conversation and networking based on age divisions- saying that families aren’t ‘unschooling’ until their children reach some magic societally-determined age for the beginning of learning, not only are we being hypocritical but we are restricting their comfort and ability to exchange in thought, support, and growth.  One of the most inspiring reasons for me to be an unschooler is the wide open acceptance of all learning and growth opportunities that come our way.  Welcome unschoolers!  Let’s grow.

HB #20- Product and Process- 'Radical Parenting'- the special review

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Join my husband, Chris, and I as we discuss and explain some recently blogged comments about our recently aired segment of: 

Discovery Health Channel’s ‘Radical Parenting’ special
3 Families- Attachment Parenting, gender neutral parenting & radical unschooling

General consensus is that Radical Unschooling is, by far, the most ‘radical’ of the styles.  Hmmm.

General opinions-
1) Interesting take; not for us.
2) We can incorporate more of that connected parenting within
our traditional school comfort zone.
3) We wish they had shown a family with older kids.

 Why? This is not about the outcome.
 Just as with public school, we’ll turn out tradesmen, Harvard graduates-
 any and everything you can think of…
 The point is that it’s all attainable in happiness and through pursuit of 
 personal passions.
 It’s about joy and connection.

4) These people are crazy and should be jailed.
 WHAT?  How could loving, trusting, and guiding our children be perceived in this way?

 The most prominent concerns from the show:
  – THE DONUT

  – help with teeth brushing- recommended by the ADA 🙂

  – reading to my son when asked
     Yes- I will- everytime
  
  – too much TV
  
  – do we have jobs?
 
  – our kids won’t function socially
 
  – our kids won’t be able to function in the ‘real world’

Here’s what it comes down to:
Unschooling and connection parenting are based on a multitude of developmental, psychological, and learning principles.
Just like you- we care.

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Music selections- Youth Gone Wild-  Skid Row  /  Revolution- The Beatles

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